i used baking grease as lip gloss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
