No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
