my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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