I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
