She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
