I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
