I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
