I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
