My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
