If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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