Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm like, not good at living.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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