State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
