He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
