oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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