New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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