Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
