Soap is not a condiment
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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