it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
