so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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