My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is Oprah even human
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
