she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I want is dick and wine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
