Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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