I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
