Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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