I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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