its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
