I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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