Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
