his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
