she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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