Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
