So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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