I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
