I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
