In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
