would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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