If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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