So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
