AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
