Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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