i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
