Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
