There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
