I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
