oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I see more hoeing in ur future
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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