Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
as a side note pls kill me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
