around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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