Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
