This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
