chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
