There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
