I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
