somebody snuck up and got me drunk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
