is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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