She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
