My nipple is on Facebook.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
