I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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