in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize