why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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