you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
