My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
are you so shy because you have an std?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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