What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Barsexuality is the new black.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
