I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
