I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
