You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
