I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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