that's an acceptable place to lick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
