Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
