I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
