i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i have herpe
just one?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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