Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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