I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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