she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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