Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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