I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The best revenge is premature balding
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
