he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
