Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize