Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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