I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
