Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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